V. Where we're going

Being constantly nose-to-nose with human frailty and our own ingrained faults caused us suffering--even in the context of tantric practice. Leaving desires routinely unfulfilled was consistently disquieting--even with the expectation that the energy underneath them would shift, that it would get easier. Facing our vulnerabilities without egoic defense mechanisms was was absolutely painful--despite the fact that we saw the real-time work of the Spirit, giving us the resources to handle it. We were like the blind man, after the Teacher first touched his eyes: we could see people, but they looked like trees. We could see change, but it seemed a trading of one kind of suffering for another. ...

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II. The Solution

To the general sadness we all felt, we students of Christian Tantra arrived at a solution.  It lay in intuiting the Spirit, in following its promptings, in not bucking our impermanence.  Tantra uses taboos and shadow work, the very stuff other religious visions distance themselves from, to "dig underneath" patterns of sin.  Without simply reacting to our brokenness--although, insofar as we are all learning, we do plenty of that--we began to ask why a part of us didn't wish to be fixed.  Looking deeply, we saw ego, craving, attraction and aversion, all for the impediments to serenity that they were. We began to mine the scriptures, building a toolkit to deal with them. ...

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I. The Problem

We followers of the Logos felt it important, after a great deal of thinking, to describe what impelled us to become disciples of the Word.  But let us, immediately and for a moment, work with the medicine of clarity: we have no wish to set anything in stone.  What Aquinas found at the pinnacle of revelation, we proclaim at the start of our search.  All we have written is straw.  From what little we've practiced, we know impermanence as one of the deep truths the Logos has used our silences to reveal.  To us--in a way we'll explain, by and by-- it's important not to get too hung up on beliefs and believers, teachers or teachings.  We are disciples of one who "was destined for the rise and fall of many...so that the secret thoughts of many will be revealed."  Before the end, everything dies, descends, resurrects, ascends and and goes within.  Our job is to go to our rooms, shut the door, pray in ways we can't speak about, and follow. ...

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