The bell rang. I took attendance, so that the adults I work for wouldn’t send their goons to my house. Then I called on Will, hoping he’d start us off strong: “Will: What is the first step of Compulsive thought?”
“Uncomfortable emotion” he said. I turned to Hillary. “Hillary, what is the second step?”
“Compulsive thought…craving Tamales” she said. I turned to Fatima. “Fatima, what is the third step?”
“Compulsive action?” she asked, turning through her notes before she answered. “Good.” I replied, “It’s okay to use notes as we’re learning this, just make sure you get this committed to memory by the quiz. I’ll tell you when that is with plenty of notice.” I turned to Cole, who already had his hand raised. “Cole, what is the fourth Step of Compulsive thought?”
“Repetition.” He said, visibly relieved when he lowered his hand. I replied “Right, because sugar highs adjusted our mood so effectively once, it’s natural that they would be just as helpful a second time. Ralph, take us home. What’s the fifth step?”
Ralph “Oh yeah. You do it all the time.”
“Right. Now, Folks, Today I want to share with you some of the most important teaching from back when I monked it up. We’ll go deeper into this as the semester progresses, but today we’ll make a beginning. By the end of Class, I want everyone to have, down in their notes, what we'll call 'The Characteristics of Isolation.' Let's get started.” I went to the “isolation” corner. “Where am I?”
“Isolation.” They called out.
“If I’m in Mr. Warner’s class, and I’m thinking about a tamale: Hillary, what am I not able to focus on?”
Hillary looked up, surprised to be called on: “Class?”
“Yup,” I said, “Good Hillary.” I turned to everyone. “What we’ll eventually learn is that, in isolation, there are about eight categories of compulsive thought that we gravitate to over and over. Will Parks: can you control compulsive thought?”
Will said “No? I think…”
“Good,” I replied, “Why? What does it cover?” I saw Will snap back to remembering: we’d taken notes on this.
“Oh yeah. Uncomfortable feelings.”
“Imma give y’all an example of a compulsive thought that we’ll eventually study. It’s called ‘vanity.’ I suffer from this a ton. Maybe you do too.” I moved back into the “isolation corner.” “Vanity is ‘the compulsive thought about new possessions or status, leading to putting other people down.’ We’ll write that down later. For now, just notice what it leads to. It’s that old song: I’m too sexy for my shirt.” Giggling commenced. “But it’s more than that. It’s not just that I’m too sexy for my shirt, it’s that y’all’s wardrobe choices are just so ‘last season.’ The school uniform isn't a good look for y'all in the least. Do you see what happened here?” They didn’t. “One of the Characteristics of Compulsive thought is ‘Divisive thinking.’ Don’t write that down yet. Just notice that, while I’m suffering from Vanity, I’m elevating myself—I’m too sexy for my shirt—even as I’m putting others down.”
I asked them: “How many ‘human families’ are there?”
Cole, without raising his hand “One.
I continued “If I’m elevating myself by putting others down,” I asked “ Will Parks, how many groups am I creating?”
“Two, Mr. Warner.”
“Hey Cole, if you were asking a student for a pencil, and a teacher wrote you up for talking in class, what might you say to him?”
“I’d try to tell him I was just looking for a pencil.”
“Aha. What that’s called is ‘rationalization.’ It’s a way of saying that you’re doing anything wrong. I’ll tell you, ladies and gentlemen, if I ever write up a student, I know I’m gonna get a whole line of excuses, because no one wants to admit that they’re doing something wrong. What’s that called when you don’t want to admit you’re doing something wrong? It rhymes with a river in Egypt.”
There was a moment of confusion. “It also rhymes with ‘schmenial’“ I said, “and starts with a ‘d.’”
Fatima raised her hand. “Denial.”
“Good, Fatima.” I turned to the class “Denial! Also notice that you don’t think you’re at fault. Denial can also extend to our vulnerabilities. Pay attention to this next bit, it's the second characteristic of Isolation: No one wants to admit they’re going to suffer and die. The words we use for that are ‘Perfect and Invulnerable.’ Now for the third: Hey, Ralph Cain—what are you sitting at?”
“A desk,” he said, wearing an isn’t it obvious? look on his face.
I moved quickly now: “Good Ralph. Where was the desk made?”
Ralph: “In a factory.”
Me: “Who made the factory”
Ralph: “Construction workers”
Me: “Who made the construction workers.”
Ralph: “Their parents.”
Me: “Hillary: Who made their parents, and their parents’ parents and their parents’ parents’ parents?”
Hillary: “Um, God?”
“YES!” I hollered. “Pay attention y’all. We can trace back everything we see until it leads to God. It’s called the “sacramental lens.” Write that down. “The sacramental lens is the ability to see God through the things he has made. Ladies and Gents, when I was in the monastery, being quiet like it was my job—because it was—there were times I was so depressed and self-absorbed that I couldn’t taste my food. Compulsive thought can interrupt our connection with our senses. We can be so caught up in Vanity that we can’t taste our pastrami sandwich. We can be so caught up in thinking of ourselves that, even if God were to hit us in the face, we wouldn’t be able to see him. We can see traces of God through what he’s made, but we lose that ability when we’re in isolation.
“Before we write down the Characteristics of Isolation,” I said, “we just need to say that there are eight types of thought—vanity’s one of them—that we experience in isolation. Working together, they produce the Ego. That’s an identity we make up out of all of our compulsive thoughts. The last characteristic of isolation is ‘the eight evil thoughts.’ Don’t worry about what they are now, just know they exist, and work together to generate our ego—like parts of an engine do, to give off heat. Everyone get out your notebooks and write ‘the Characteristics of Isolation’ at the top of a blank page” For a moment, there was nothing but shuffling with school supplies and hasty scribbling.
“Good,” I said, after a minute. “Now, I’m gonna give you an acronym to remember all this. Down the left hand side of your page, writing one word per line so you have the rest to write in, write the sentence ‘Don’t take iguanas down escalators.’ I walked around the class, checking to see if they’d understood. “The sentence ‘Don’t take iguanas down escalators’ is how we’re going to remember isolation’s characteristics. This will be on a quiz. Next to ‘Don’t,’ write ‘denial.’” I paused. “Next to ‘take,’ write ‘thinking we’re perfect and invulnerable.’ Next to ‘iguanas’ write ‘inability to use sacramental lens.’ Remember ‘sacramental lens’ isn’t enough. We need to remember that isolation makes us unable to use it. Next to ‘down’ write ‘divisive thinking.’ I’m too sexy for my shirt, and y’all are chumps. It makes two human families where there should be one. Next to “Escalators” write the formal name of the kinds of compulsive thought ‘Eight evil thoughts.’ We’ll talk more about that soon.”
Everyone finished scribbling. “Ok let’s review.” I ran to a corner of the classroom. “Where am I standing right now?” With rapid randomness, they all said it “Isolation.”
“Hillary: What” I asked, “is this course about? We go out of what, into what, by way of what.”
As she said it, I ran around the room, frantic-white-guy style. “We go out of isolation,” Corner. “Into Community,” Corner. “By way of the sacraments,” and I ended in the center of the room.
“Yes!” I said “Fatima, what’s our Acronym for remembering the characteristics of isolation?”
She read from her notes “Don’t take iguanas down escalators.”
“Don’t do it” I said. The bell rang as I waxed goofy: “Reptiles have a terrific phobia of moving stairs. Not a good Idea. More of this tomorrow, have a good day.”
I collapsed into my chair when they left. It was satisfying to look around the classroom. Our inner lives had a geography, and we were mapping it out. By a week from now, my position in the classroom would cue their answers to my questions, and all I’d have to do to get specific is talk about lizards and escalators.
But it was deeper than that. Though we were all different people, the “interior map” we were creating was the same for everyone. I hoped that, on that map between isolation and community, wherever we found ourselves, we wouldn’t find ourselves alone.
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